Angela Philipps, Contributor

After spending the last month writing articles about the faults of men, and receiving many enraged emails from them, it became apparent to me that perhaps some women simply have a tendency to choose the wrong kind of guy.

The following is an extract from one reader:

"Single in the City brands us men as being no good, in need of redemption, uncultured, etc.

"We, the decent of the species, must not be blamed if you women writers choose to go out with losers and make poor choices to fill your lonely lives. Is it because you are scraping at the bottom in search of fine men? But they are already taken?"

So the questions to think about are these: Should the lovely single ladies out there apply some discretion when it comes to dating? What are the appealing characteristics of a bad boy that attract women? And should the good guys be approaching the single scene in a different way so that their success rate goes up?

chasing the wrong one

I have dated all sorts of fellows in the last 20 years, and I admit that in the past I have been guilty of chasing after the 'wrong' one. I'd walk into a party, see a really handsome bloke with girls swooning around him, and think to myself, "What a complete idiot. And those women are making such fools of themselves."

However, said man would approach me later in the evening, but he'd do so in way that was saying, "I just want to be your friend. You seem different to all the others." Of course, this behaviour would pique my interest to a certain extent. My back would no longer be up and his changed attitude would make me feel relaxed around him. We'd talk, discover that we had intellectual commonalities, and hanging out would be easy. A friendship would develop and mutual respect would be formed. Weeks later, a romance would start and life seemed perfect ... but not for long. Before I knew it, things were over and he'd be repeating 'our' story with the next girl, and so on. It turns out that all of us were the real conquests. The ones at the party were only flirtations. It was I who was the fool.

Oh, this happened quite a few times. I'd never learn. I should have known by the way he was treating the girls who were hanging on to him when I first laid eyes on him. Why I thought I was so special is a mystery. And I am not the first dreaming gal in the world! First impressions can be inaccurate, but there is something to be said for one's gut reaction. I read a book recently (Blink) that scientifically explains why we shouldn't ignore that initial feeling upon meeting or seeing a person.

conceit mistaken for confidence

Unfortunately, I was too flattered that 'Mr Hottie' had picked me. His enthusiasm for getting to know me, the fact he was so outgoing and chatty, and the apparent admiration he had for my mind, all contributed to the appeal I had for him. If only the nice shy guy in the corner had a personality like this. But he's too boring! The truth is he probably isn't. He simply needs to gather up a little courage and be the first to make a move.

Those of us who have the tendency to follow after the womaniser-types are not consciously 'scraping at the bottom', as suggested above. I believe that it is human nature to be thrilled with the attention of the opposite sex, and the men who are timid can't get a look-in when the bubbly ones act so fast! For this very reason, it is unlikely that all the wonderful guys are taken already. We ladies just need to open our eyes, trust our instincts, and stop making bad choices.

angelaphilippsja@hotmail.com